It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
