I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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