i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
