You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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