Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
