Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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