Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
