matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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