Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
