I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
