Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
