i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
