we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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