I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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