when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
