You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
