In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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