Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
