i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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