i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
