ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
