I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
