He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Randomize
