If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
