i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
