You can't special order awesome
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
