she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
