Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
