That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
