as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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