Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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