What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
