We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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