It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Also, beer. Big fan.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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