i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
