we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
