This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
