the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
