I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Is Oprah even human
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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