why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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