How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
