I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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