Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
