my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
