I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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