I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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