You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
