what day is it and did you see me today?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
