dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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