Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
