i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
