awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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